


this is not a temporary love

by tobewritten



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Inspired by Music, Multi, major angst, songs by ben platt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2019-11-24 16:55:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18167756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobewritten/pseuds/tobewritten
Summary: the one where they fall apart and then place the pieces back together.





	1. ease my mind

**Author's Note:**

> angsty piece inspired by ben platt's latest singles.

_Most days I wake up with a pit in my chest_  
_There are thoughts that I can't put to rest_  
_There's a worry that I can't place_

* * *

 

lucy woke up with a pit in her chest, eyes staring wide at the ceiling. Darkness enveloped the room with the occasional soft hum of the city breaking the long stretch of silence. Her senses sharpened, hearing every tiny rustle of movement and inhale of breath coming from her and her sleeping girlfriends.

lucy reached for her phone, eyeing the time and sighing as she realized it was still a good three hours before her alarm would signal the start of her day. She closed her eyes again and willed herself to sleep but the attempt was poor. her chest was tight and heavy and every single ugly thought seemed to be keeping her awake.

plugging her headphones into her phone, lucy turned on to finish the show she had been watching the night before - the documentary of Great Barrier Reef with David Attenborough. There was something calming of the narrator’s voice and while it rarely lulls her back to sleep, it keeps her mind from wandering into unwarranted territory.

about a good half an hour into the show, lucy felt a soft tap on her shoulder. she looked up blearily, eyes squinting from the sudden change of lighting before realizing that alex was up on her elbows, a perplexed look on her face.

“can’t sleep?” alex whispered, shifting closer to Lucy’s body.

lucy merely shrugged in response.

alex’s arm hovered above Lucy’s waist, eyes seeking permission before lucy nodded her head. alex cuddled deeper into lucy, pressing a soft kiss to her shoulder and laying her head on it. She turned to get a better view of the phone screen.

lucy adjusted the phone slightly towards her. Head leaning against alex’s and basking in the closeness.

From the corner of her eyes, lucy can tell that maggie was still in a deep sleep and she was glad that she hadn’t woken up both her girlfriends with the light coming from her phone. She knew that out of the three of them, maggie had the longest week and the minute the detective had fallen into bed last night, the world had long been forgotten.

“Do you wanna go for a walk?” alex mumbled with a slur, voice still thick with sleepiness.

lucy raised her eyebrow.

“I know it’s like 4 in the morning but-” alex let her statement hang in the air.

lucy hesitated.

“okay,”

this time, it was alex with a raised brow. Skeptically, she asked, “are you sure?”

“yeah,”

alex gave a small smile before climbing out of bed, pulling lucy out of it whilst trying not to disturb their sleeping girlfriend. A note was left on the fridge as the two girls put on a pair of sweatpants. The air was chilly and alex made sure that lucy donned her coat despite her declining half-heartedly.

The pair made their way down their shared apartment and started strolling down the empty quiet street. There was no other human presence in the area that they were walking, and the neighborhood was calmly pleasing with just the right amount of noise, and the heaviness in her chest lifted slightly.

They didn’t hold any conversations, and truth be told, lucy couldn’t find it in her to talk anyway. but the quiet and understanding company didn’t make her feel suffocated for the lack of words exchanged. She felt freer, felt a little more like she can breathe normally again.

she glanced over at alex, heart lurching as she realized how deeply she had fallen for the girl beside her. Playing with her fingers as a futile attempt to distract herself, Lucy still can’t help but think how easy it is for her to lose everything.

to lose the only people she cared so deeply and fully about.

to lose the life and family that she had found in National City.

to lose the women that she loves with her entire being.

“luce?”

breathing out a staggering sigh, lucy tried to fake a smile as she looked up to her girlfriend.

“I love you,”

a beat. and then,

“promise?” lucy whispered, eyes downcasting again.

alex placed a finger under her chin, slowly lifting her head up until their eyes met.

“I will always love you,” lucy nodded her head, letting herself believe Alex’s words.

They walked a little bit more as the first morning rays start to peak through the sky. Alex had her arms looped around Lucy’s elbows, their sides pressed closely together. She pressed a kissed on Lucy’s cheeks, and the warmth spread all across her body.

“thank you,” Lucy whispered

* * *

_But when you collect me with your steady hand_  
_With a language that I understand_  
_I feel put back together inside_

By the time they reached home, Maggie had already been awake. Her body had woken up from the missing warmth of her girlfriends’ bodies next to her and whilst the note on the fridge helped her ease her mind, she still can’t help but wonder what made Alex and Lucy decide to go for a walk at that timing.

Breakfast was set and both alex and lucy gave Maggie a kiss on the cheek before they took turns in the bathroom while waiting for their coffee to be done. Maggie sat quietly at the dining table, her left leg propped up on the chair as she read the morning news.

Lucy joined her soon after, covering Maggie’s hand with her own and squeezing lightly to say thank you for the meal. Maggie smiled back at her, bringing their hands close to her lips and kissing the back of Lucy’s fingers.

By the time Alex joined them for breakfast, the three of them only had a solid hour of peacefulness before Alex’s phone rang. A collective sigh was heard and Alex grimaced as she answered the phone.

Their Sunday plan of enjoying each other’s company seemed to be in ruin as Alex geared up for work. Thankfully, Lucy’s and Maggie’s phone remained silent for the rest of the day, even though they’re silently hoping that they would get called just so one of them could keep an eye out for Alex.

the pit in her chest seemed to grow as Lucy sat on the couch, bundled up in blankets and fingers mindlessly changing the news channel. But everything in National City seemed to be eerily quiet and Lucy tried to quell the nerves in her chest.

“you alright?” Maggie asked as she busied herself with cleaning up the bookshelves.

Lucy’s automated response of muttering that she’s fine caught stuck behind her throat, a low undistinguished noise coming out instead. She buried herself deeper into the couch, her thoughts running a mile a minute.

she can’t help the worry she had for Alex.

can’t help as that worry turns into a monster in her head.

and the lonely dark thoughts crept back into her mind as it had earlier.

Maggie turned on the vinyl record player, the familiar tune of I’ll Keep You Safe by Sleeping At Last started playing. The detective stood in front of Lucy with her hands reaching out.

“dance with me?”

Lucy blinked, hesitated as she tried to wonder where the impromptu came from.

“please?” her dimples deepened and Lucy couldn’t resist it anyway.

they danced slowly to the song, Lucy’s head resting on Maggie’s shoulder as they swayed gently. The ache in her chest and weight on her shoulders tightened. Her breathing becoming heavy as her mind whispers ugly thoughts inside her head.

_please don’t leave me,_ lucy thinks as she pulled Maggie in closer by the waist.

_i can’t do this alone anymore._ Lucy whispered in her head, hoping that Maggie could read her thoughts.

Tears sprang into her eyes and Lucy buried her face into Maggie’s chest. A sob escaped her lips and with how closely she is pressed to the detective, she could feel Maggie flinching.

“I got you. I promise,” Maggie whispered

Maggie hummed to the tune and Lucy falls deeper and deeper

and deeper.

* * *

Another night of her inability to sleep has left Lucy reeling. She’s beyond exhausted and could feel it deep inside her bone. She wanted some rest, unable to push her body and mind any second longer.

but here she was, awake at 4 in the morning with an empty spot by her side. The too small of her bed was something she was still trying to get used to. The lonely thoughts invaded her mind, her sanity starts to coil up into uneasiness. The heavy pit in her chest had only been growing for all the days that had passed.

Her hand ached to reach out for her phone and send a text to Alex or Maggie.

Her heart ached to know that she can’t do that.


	2. bad habit

_You always said that I'd come back to you again_  
_'Cause everybody needs a friend, it's true_  
_Someone to quiet the voices in my head_  
_Make 'em sing to me instead, it's you_

* * *

Maggie woke up groggily to her alarm. She dragged her feet into the bathroom, splashing cold water onto her face to erase the exhaustion she still felt weighing down on her. Going through the motion, she got herself ready for work, her gut feeling a little uneasy but Maggie didn’t let herself dwell on it.

her gut has been feeling uneasy for weeks now.

ever since…

refusing to acknowledge the sudden heaviness of her heart, maggie kept pushing herself forward, kept working her body to the ground to ignore the pain that was bound to tie her hostage. There wasn’t time for her to wallow in self-pity, to wallow for something that’s so out of reach.

pulling up at her temporarily new department, Maggie can’t help but sigh as her mind raced to compare the difference between Metropolis and National City. Metropolis was definitely much happier and optimistic, she mused. but Maggie shut that line of thought down when her mind reminded of the two women she had to leave behind.

the sun in Metropolis seemed to be shining brighter and chirpier as if to mock the turmoil within the detective. Maggie caught a flash of red and blue in the sky above her and pushed down the longing for another certain superhero.

while she forced herself to work through the day, she can’t help but feel…

inadequate.

the work that she’s supposed to be doing in Metropolis had left her working behind the desk far more than being out in the field. Her captain had given her the assignment to create a science division department to support Superman, seeing that he wouldn’t work with the DEO, but that department had been more of a cleanup crew than backup.

it infuriates Maggie to the core.

but she had taken the assignment, knowing that it was also a promotion and an honor to impart all her good work in National City to Metropolis.

it was supposed to last a year, they had told her. but looking at the future projections, she knew it would be more than that.

if she were to be honest, maggie would admit that she doesn’t like it. almost close to hating it for how reliant the officers are to Superman, almost close to hating it for how inadequate and pathetic it’s making her feel when every solution she created kept failing.

it’s only been a good two months of starting anew, but Maggie can’t help cursing every time she enters her office, having to work with people who refused to work as hard as the colleagues back in National City, refusing to believe that all aliens deserved to be protected by law enforcers.

Maggie sighed, rubbing her temple as she tries to figure out how the hell she’s supposed to turn it all around, how to make the officers _see_ the dangers innocent aliens face through, how they need to stop pushing all the responsibility to the Man of Steel.

without thinking, Maggie pulled out her phone, typing a long rant about her frustration and as she was about to hit send,

she realized who she almost sent it to.

deleting everything, she threw her phone into the drawer and ignore the palpitating ache in her heart.

 

* * *

_Bad habit, I know_  
_But I'm needin' you right now_  
_Can you help me out?_  
_Can I lean on you?_

Maggie stumbled into her apartment, slightly drunk from the shots she had at the bar. Tears sprang to her eyes as memories of her girls occupied every single space of her brain.

She slid down the wall to the ground, knees bent with her head in her hands as she tried to stop thinking of Alex and Lucy.

stop thinking of how happy they were, how perfect they felt, how incredibly stupidly foolishly in love she had been.

stop thinking of their touch and their warmth and the way that they had loved her and made her feel so safe and

so so so loved.

but she left that. she let that go for a future for her career that she thought she had wanted but had been hating almost every second of it.

Maggie pulled her knees close to her chest, sobs escaping her lips and all she knows is that she loves them. so so much. and she needs them and she doesn’t want to do this without them.

pulling out her phone, she pressed the speed dial before she could stop herself.

“hello?” the familiar voice caused another sob to escape and Maggie breathed in unsteadily as she tried to let that voice ground her.

“I know we said - and I’m so sorry -”

“Maggie, are you drunk?” lucy asked.

and her voice was faint and clear and Maggie could hear the defense wall coming right up. there was no softness or warmth and the tears ran faster and harder.

“Maggie?”

“I’ve had a few drinks but I -”

“Don’t. Please don’t,”

and that shut Maggie up, stopped her heart right then and there by the sheer coldness of the voice. The tears continued to run and Maggie let her head thumped back into the wall behind her.

“Where are you?”

“in my apartment,”

“Are you safe?”

Maggie’s bottom lips trembled as she muttered out an affirmative.

“Go to bed, Maggie,”

for some reason, the detective followed lucy’s orders, shuffling through the apartment and tearing her clothes off before planting herself face first onto the bed. the tears had stopped but her heart continued to ache and tighten worse and worse.

“I love you, lucy. Tell that to alex too please,”

silence met her but as Maggie pressed the phone harder to her ear, she can hear lucy’s heavy breath.

“go to sleep,”

lucy hung up and Maggie buried her face into her pillows and let the exhaustion pull her into a fitful sleep.

-

the next week found Maggie repeating the same mistake, stumbling into her apartment, drunk and lost of all her inhibition.

this time, she called alex.

this time, alex didn’t pick up the call.

* * *

“Maggie? you can’t keep calling me when you’re drunk,” lucy spit out and Maggie flinched at the harshness of her voice.

“bad habit. I’m sorry,”

“why don’t you go bother Alex or someone else?”

Maggie sighed, head pounding and vision blurring from the alcohol in her system.

“i tried. last week,”

“so this is a weekly thing?” lucy accused.

and ouch, that hurts. that hurts a lot. Maggie groaned as she pulled herself into the kitchen. she grabbed the bottle of water in her fridge and chucked it down in one motion.

“don’t do this to yourself,” she heard lucy whispered before the phone call ended.

Maggie sighed as she dropped her head onto the fridge door.

fuck.

maggie settled herself onto the uncomfortable couch and she knew she shouldn’t be scrolling through their social media but she can’t help it. she needs to know what’s going on, what they’re doing and if they’re safe and okay and -

maggie gulped as she shook her head.

she wondered if things would have been different.

if she hadn’t -

it’s a bad habit to be blaming herself for all of this. they had talked and they had decided together. they had to keep moving forward and all of this distance would only hold each other back.

maggie sighed as she refreshed their page once more. neither lucy nor alex had updated anything on their socials for the last two month. maggie contemplated checking kara’s

but she couldn’t. she shouldn’t.

instead, maggie opened her gallery, scrolling through her pictures and opening up the ones with lucy and alex. a single tear rolled down her cheek as maggie remembers all the happy times they had together.

she remembers how they’d always figure it out together, getting through tough times and they’ve come so far for it to end just like that.

maggie clenched her jaw.

she doesn’t want this to end.

* * *

she took a day off because Maggie knew she was starting to spiral out of control. and she knew that most of it came from the sudden rapid change of every aspect of her life and her inability to process any of it. She vaguely remembered the drunk conversations she had with Lucy but couldn’t recall what she’d actually said. 

but something about the day before had shed a little clarity over maggie’s head.

Maggie sat in the park, her phone out and with a breath of courage, dialed alex’s number instead. Knowing lucy, the girl would’ve been too pissed to answer her call that morning and alex seemed like the best bet.

the phone rang for a little too long and her fear nearly overwhelmed her to hang up instead.

“hello?” maggie jumped at the voice, too caught up in trying to fight her fear to realize that Alex had answered the call.

“hey, it’s me,”

there was a pause and maggie waited, staring up at the sky and wondered if Alex would hang up on her.

“maggie? is everything alright? why are you calling? ” and just like that, maggie is reminded of what she had lost when she moved to Metropolis.

a part of her is telling her to end the call.

she knew that she can’t do the push and pull. it isn’t fair to anyone involved.

but another part of her knows she can’t let it all go, desperate to hold onto something or anything.

“everything’s fine. I-i just-,” maggie took a breath, centering herself and force the rest of the words that she’d been practicing out of her mouth.

“I just realized how stupid I was. and I miss you so much and I want you back,”

“Maggie-”

“I understand that you don’t want to. Lucy probably told you that I called her last night -”

“Lucy didn’t tell me anything,”

“that’s wei- I’d assume that she would have considering how drunk I was but I just, I know maybe I don’t deserve it but I, can we please -” her voice cracked and Maggie had to stop herself before she starts crying.

there was heavy breathing on the other side of the line and Maggie can’t help but wonder what Alex must be thinking.

had she screwed it up further?

was it too late?

“We can’t do this like this. Not over the phone,”

it wasn’t a direct rejection and small hope bloom in Maggie’s chest. Maggie perked up as she stammered out a suggestion.

“I can fly back for the weekend! I-I’ll meet you and Lucy at the apartment and, wait, you guys haven’t moved, right? you and lucy are still-”

“maggie.”

maggie heard a sharp intake of breath and trepidation struck her heart.

“Lucy and I, she erm she moved out,”

“what? why?”

alex paused and cleared her throat but her voice still cracked when she said, “we couldn’t work it out after you left,”

“oh.”

maggie could hear muttering from the other side as if alex was having a conversation with someone else on the other line. a part of her wondered if alex had found someone else but she quickly shot down that thought. alex wasn’t like that.

none of them were like that.

“listen, i got to go. but I can’t seem to reach Lucy ever since… and I don’t know where she is. but if you can, then you can bring it up to here,”

“okay,”

“just hit me with a text once you have a plan. I erm i’ll still be free over the weekends,”

Maggie ignored the wave fo disappointment but nodded her head anyway.

“Goodbye, Maggie,”

“bye, Alex,”

maggie put down the phone, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. she had expected far worse, had hoped for far better but at least now she has something to do.

at least now she has a plan on how to make it right.


	3. grow as we go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a few months ago

_who said it's true_  
_That the growing only_  
_Happens on your own?_  
_They don't know me and you_

* * *

maggie had been acting strange all week and alex had been trying hard to be patient, to not push too much too fast, knowing that the girl would only shut down and shut her out if she did so. the detective had been reaching home later than expected, despite saying that it wasn’t due to any work-related activity. and when Maggie’s home, she’s not _there_ with them.

Alex sighed as she set the plates onto the dining table. A quick glance at Lucy and alex knew that she wasn’t the only one worried and concerned about maggie’s change of behavior. Lucy was staring at the door, eyebrows furrowing and alex wondered if Maggie would be home just by lucy’s sheer will alone.

alex lay a reassuring hand on lucy’s shoulder, squeezing it gently before taking her place. the two of them remained silent, waiting for a good ten minutes before deciding that maggie wouldn’t be home for dinner again.

maggie had texted the group that she was on her way home

but that was half an hour ago.

if it were any other day, Alex would have been panicking by now but it’s been happening the entire week and frankly, she has had enough.

they’ve gone through too much to allow maggie to shut them out again.

just as soon as they finished their dinner, the door creaked open.

maggie entered, looking like she was far away from here and alex sighed as she approached her girlfriend.

“hey babe,”

maggie grunted out a response, pulling out her coat and pushing her shoes off.

it wasn’t till maggie had showered and ate dinner when lucy’s patience snapped first.

“spill it out,”

alex closed her eyes at the harshness of lucy’s tone. maggie seemed unsurprised by the almost hostility towards her.

“maggie, i mean it. spill it out,”

“lucy.” alex hissed.

“no. she can’t do this. she can’t shut us out like this. we’ve been asking her nicely the entire week and she keeps brushing it off. So she’s either going to tell us or -”

“I have a promotion,” Maggie spoke up, cutting off Lucy’s heated argument.

confusion etched onto the girls faces as they try to figure out why they aren’t celebrating this momentous occasion. alex shifted uncomfortably, her brain trying to connect the dot as to why it would lead to maggie acting this way.

“and?” alex pushed

“and i have to move to metropolis for a year or two to set up a science division there,”

alex let out the breath that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. unable to just sit still, alex stood up and started pacing the room.

“okay, so we’ll figure it out. we have skype and phone calls and it’s not that-”

“no.” maggie interrupted her.

“no?” both lucy and alex replied incredulously.

maggie stood up, wringing her hands together and running her fingers through her hair in an attempt to keep her cool. Both lucy and alex waited patiently for the detective to spit out whatever’s on her mind.

“I just don’t think that it’s fair to let you both wait for me for so long,”

alex bit her bottom lip. her stomach twisting at the implications of maggie’s words.

“what are you trying to say?” alex threaded carefully, taking a step closer to her girlfriend.

maggie turned away, hands pressing onto the back of the couch and clutching it till her knuckles turned white.

“i think we-” maggie stopped herself.

alex shifted from one foot to another, waits for the response even though she knows what’s going to happen. she gulped, her breaths becoming heavier the longer time passed.

“i think you’re stupid,” lucy spat out.

“I don’t want to hold you guys back and - ”

“or maybe you don’t want to be held back by us,” lucy raised her voice and both alex and maggie winced.

“that’s not what i said,”

alex found herself getting nauseous. she tripped onto her own feet as she fell onto an armchair. breathing in deep she tried not to let her emotions overwhelm her.

“when are you supposed to leave?” alex asked.

“in five days time,”

“are you fucking kidding me.”

alex looked up and could see the anger radiation off lucy. she knows lucy is trying so hard not to blow up but seeing it all happen, alex can’t help but feel the fire burning inside her again.

“you had a week to tell us and we could have figured it out but you just-” lucy couldn’t finish her sentence.

she walked into the kitchen, hands curling into fist and alex worried that she might punch a hole through the wall.

“i’m sorry. I just…” maggie couldn’t say it.

but alex needs to hear it. she needs to hear all of it ending so that it doesn’t leave any grey areas her mind would conjure up.

“say it,” alex hissed.

maggie looked at her with wide eyes. alex didn’t repeat herself, knowing that maggie had heard her loud and clear.

the tension in the air thickens and it suffocates all three occupants in the room. maggie scanned the room, eyes collecting and memorizing every nook and cranny as flashes of memory taunts her of what she is going to lose if she says it out loud.

but there’s no other choice.

maggie can’t do long distance and she can’t make them wait for her.

“i think we should break up,”

* * *

they stood there at the airport, watching as maggie’s body gets lost in the crowd. she could feel the tension coming from lucy and alex clenched her jaw to stop the tears from flowing.

they tried to talk it out. tried to compromise, tried to figure it out with what little time they had left.

but there was nothing much to say other than it being a breakup. They knew that the extended time apart would put a huge strain on their relationship, no matter how strong they are.

and they knew that it might put a strain on themselves as individuals.

Maggie was adamant that just because she’s breaking up with them, doesn’t mean alex and lucy needs to break up with each other.

Alex sighed as she dropped her head onto the steering wheel. she’s not sure how all of it will play out, not sure what the future holds.

and despite trying to ignore it, she knows it will cause a riff between her and lucy.

a few tears escaped her eyes

everything has been going so fast and alex hadn’t found the time to process it all. but now, as she sits in her car alone, it was finally catching on to her. a sob broke free and the tears fall rapidly.

alex tried to smack them away with the back of her hand but failed miserably as more tears fall.

she spotted lucy’s car leaving the parking lot and there’s a sinking feeling in her stomach.

the sinking feeling kept tugging and gnawing at her subconscious as she tried to convince herself otherwise.

but if lucy were to leave…

alex shuddered and shook her head. It wouldn’t come to that.

* * *

_You don't ever have to leave_  
_If to change is what you need_  
_You can change right next to me_

They’ve been fighting a lot. Nothing ever seemed right whenever the two of them tried to have a decent night at home. The DEO had been busier than ever and with every task comes the late night overtime work.they barely see each other more than a few hours a day and it was beginning to gnaw at them.

and more than once, they found themselves unable to distinguish the line between work and home.

unable to find the balance that they once had.

Lucy slammed the door to their bedroom shut and Alex rolled her eyes as she made the couch. Frustration builds inside her and alex found herself punching the pillow to let some of it go.

she’s so tired and unbelievably irritated that she can’t fucking stand it anymore.

alex drop onto the couch, pull the blanket over her body and plugging in her headphone. she put on her old music that she listened to as a teenager and blasted the song in her ears.

trying to find a comfortable position on the couch, alex tried to let the anger tide over. tried to remind herself that they were still finding each other again now that maggie has left.

but it’s been a month and nothing seems to fit into place.

the door to her bedroom opened and alex spotted lucy walking out with a duffel bag in hand. Alex’s heart dropped as she ripped the headphones from her ears.

“wh-where are you going?”

“washington,” lucy replied curtly.

alex jumped to standing as lucy started putting on her coat and shoes.

“hey, wait a minute. can we talk?”

the anger and frustration from just minutes before was replaced with panic and desperation.

“we can’t keep going on as if we’re doing fine, alex,”

“I’m sure we can work this out. You can’t just walk out unexpectedly,” alex’s voice strained as she tried to stop herself from sounding pathetic.

lucy grabbed her sidearm from the safe and alex’s panic spilled over.

“come on, luce. don’t do this. don’t leave me like this,”

lucy sighed and alex wonder how she can be so calm and put together. “i can’t do this, alex,”

“i can’t do it either but maybe we can try together. Lucy, please,” alex was sure that she was borderline begging but whatever she said seemed to push lucy further away.

lucy opened the door and alex tried to get a hold of her emotions.

“how long will you be gone?” alex whispered, her voice strained and filled with emotions.

“i don’t know,”

alex took a shaky breath as she stepped forward. Hands reaching out but Lucy just shook her head.

“please don’t go,” alex whispered, pained and desperate.

lucy stepped out the door and shut it with a soft click.

alex stayed rooted to her spot, mouth opened and eyes wide.

her brain unable to process what had just happened.

* * *

Alex was cleaning the apartment - wiping windows, vacuuming the floor and getting rid of non-reusable papers. The music played quietly in the background with alex occasionally humming to the tune.

she was re-organizing the bookshelves when she spotted the photo album that had been collecting dust. With a heavy heart, she pulled it out from the shelves. she dusted off the cover as she situated herself on the floor.

she sighed as her hand trembled to open the album.

flipping from one page to another, alex can’t help but smile as each picture brought back the memories. she traced maggie’s and lucy’s face and while her heart continues to ache,  it hadn’t pained her as much as she thought it still would.

a single tear rolled down her left cheek.

Alex quietly closed the book and placed it back to its original spot.

a part of her is still hoping, still waiting.


	4. run away

Alex sat in her office, rubbing her tired eyes as she stared at the paperwork in front of her. She stifled a yawn, glancing at the clock and willing it to tick by faster. It had been slow in the DEO and Alex had forced herself to complete all her outstanding tasks. she didn’t want to get in trouble with Pam from HR, god knows she’s had enough of a run in with her ever since she got promoted to Director.

A knock on the door broke her focus and alex bit her tongue to stop from cursing at whoever decided to ruin her a momentum. Brainy’s head popped in and alex rolled her eyes.

“Director Danvers, your meeting is about to start,”

alex frowned, nodding her head and rubbing her temple. She can’t believe she’s forgotten that there was a meeting today. She stood up to follow Brainy, letting him brief her on her way over to the conference room.

They entered the room and Alex caught sight of a woman standing at where the drinks were. Her back was facing the door and there was something familiar in her stance that stood out to Alex.

“and here is Director Lane, in charge of National City desert base,” Brainy said.

Alex jaw dropped as the woman turned around.

her heart stopped beating and started sinking to the ground.

fuck.

-

She kept it professional, putting all her training in good use as she sat in front of Lucy, listening as she explains on the newly updated protocols and training. Alex didn’t let her mind wander too far, forcing herself to focus on the strictly professional setting. Despite the suffocating memories of the past, there was still a type of ease in the awkward tension; alex was able to go back and forth with her own suggestion and implementations that she had done at her own base.

Everything had been straight to the point with no time dwelling on the chemistry that they once had.

“I’ll be here to help out with the new implementations for a couple of months,” Director Lane said as she passed the formal letter from the President.

Alex sighed again.

“Very well,”

Alex stood up, ready to leave as they wrapped up the meeting. She was about to step out the door when she heard her name being called. Alex paused but didn’t turn, the walls around her heart cracking at the way Lucy’s voice changed from the tone of a fellow Director to…

to her ex.

“Congratulations, Alex,”

Alex nodded her head, swallowing the lump in her throat. Her hands started to tremble and she breathed out shakily.

“I hope that what happened between us wouldn’t get in a way of our work,” Lucy continued.

and it was well-intentioned, no harm to the words, hoping that they could put the past behind them.

but all alex heard were the words that they threw at each other during their fights, all alex heard were the screaming and yelling and the times when nothing was right.

Alex couldn’t stop herself as she snapped, “Don’t worry Director Lane. I can separate my work and personal life _perfectly_ now,”

* * *

Maggie stepped out of the airport, the cool air hitting her cheeks as she tugged her jacket closer to herself. A smile spread across her lips as she looked around, the familiar sight of National City greeting her.

A blur of red and blue flashed past her before Maggie heard a thud. Turning around, she spotted Supergirl, hands on her hips, looking at her curiously with a smirk on her face. Maggie breathed out a sigh of relief, glad to see Supergirl instead of Superman standing in front of her.

“Welcome back to National City, Detective Sawyer,”

Maggie smirked back, nodding her head in acknowledgment.

“National City is still standing, I see,”

“Always,”

Maggie wanted to say more but she noticed Kara tilting her head as if the superhero had heard something.

“I’ll see you around, Supergirl. Catch up soon,”

Kara nodded her head before flying off again. Maggie sighed and shake her head amusedly. She’s glad to be home, even if it's temporary.

Her first stop had to be Noonan’s. Maggie had been craving for a good pasta ever since she boarded her flight and she’s still feeling the high from returning to National City. She stepped into the queue, looking down at her phone as she waits for her turn.

The bustling sound of the restaurant felt like music to her ears. Once she placed in her order, she stood off to the side to wait for her takeaway.

“Order for Danvers!”

Maggie snapped her head up. Mouth opening as her eyes zoned to a woman in a leather jacket, her hair was shorter than before with the sides shaved. Maggie’s breath hitched as the woman collected her order, turning around and -

their eyes meet. Maggie held her breath as they stared at each other for what felt like hours but perhaps was only seconds.

“Alex,” Maggie breathed out.

Alex looked like she’s just seen a ghost.

Maggie’s bottom lip trembled and she took a step forward.

“Order for Sawyer!”

Their attention on each other broke as Maggie stood there in dilemma, unsure what to do.

a part of her doesn’t want to turn away from Alex.

a part of her needs to turn away.

“Order for Sawyer!”

Maggie turned towards the counter, collecting her order and swiftly turned back towards where she last saw Alex.

but Alex was gone.

Maggie breathed out shakily. She shook her head and forced herself to come back to the moment.

She stepped out of the restaurant and made her way back to her car, shaking the shock of seeing alex again.

she hoped she sees her again.

-

Maggie was supposed to be having her day off and as much as she wants to relish in it, she can’t ignore the rampaging alien right in front of her eyes. Maggie stared at her unfinished food, frowning as there is still a good portion left to it. Sighing, she shoved half of what’s left into her mouth before running to where the alien was.

She reached for her gun, pulling it out slowly, trying not to gain the attention of the alien.

Tentacles emerged from its back and the detective cursed under her breath. of course it wouldn’t be an easy feat. The alien opened its mouth and more tentacles slither out. Maggie fought the urge to gag at the sight of goo and slime sliding down the appendages. The limbs started thrashing about, destroying everything in its wake and breaking the statue beside it.

One of the tentacles reached out, curling itself around a man’s leg and Maggie rushed forward, shooting bullets into the limb.

The alien seemed unfazed by the bullets and Maggie swore out loud. She reached for her ammo as the alien continues to drag more humans toward itself.

Too focused on what was happening, Maggie hadn’t noticed the black SUVs entering the scene. agents wearing kevlar suits stepped out of the van with better weapons in hand. Maggie stepped back as they moved forward, letting them do their job. She caught sight of familiar agents running towards the scene and Maggie breathed out a sigh of relief.

The fight ended almost too fast, the alien was captured using a net and all the commotion died down before Supergirl even came to the scene. Maggie watched from afar, eyes analyzing the scene.

eyes searching for someone familiar.

instead, her eyes caught someone else that she hadn’t expected to be there.

Lucy stared back at her with wide eyes, her steel, and perfect composure breaking at the sight of the detective.

“Ma’am, we’re heading back to base,”

Lucy turned towards her agent. From the corner of her eyes, she can still see Maggie standing there, talking to another agent. Lucy forced herself to focus on her job, clearing her throat before she gave out her orders.

“bring the detective in too,” she said as she made her way to the van, slamming the door shut.

_fuck_

* * *

Lucy stood at the command center, debriefing her team when she spotted Alex barreling towards her. Lucy braced herself as she caught sight of the anger on her face.

“Why is Detective Sawyer here?”

Lucy internally flinched at the harsh tone, taking a deep breath before turning towards Director Danvers.

“She was the first to the scene and we needed her statement of the event earlier,”

She heard Alex huffing and Lucy turned back to what she was doing. The command center turned quiet again once Director Lane dismissed her team and Lucy was about to head to her office when she heard a sharp intake of breath.

She turned on her heels, jaw clenching at the sight of the detective standing rooted to the ground right beside Alex. Her eyes moved from one ex to another.

“well this is awkward,” Kara said as if to announced her entrance into the DEO.

all three of them looked up as Supergirl flew down towards the command center. While all three of them had a falling out, Lucy and Maggie both had stayed in contact with Kara. Kara gave both of them a smile before turning to her sister.

lucy watched as Alex took a step back, shaking her head and started to turn the other way wordlessly.

lucy gulped as her emotional control slipped. an iron grip squeezed her heart and some memories made itself known in her mind.

Kara gave them a pitiful smile before following her sister, leaving Lucy and Maggie standing there in awkward silence.

“I have to head back,” Maggie said, pointing her thumb over her shoulder awkwardly.

Lucy smiled politely. too pained to say anything as the waves of emotions rocked against her heavy heart.

something pulled at her heart strings when Maggie gave her a dimpled smile.

“Listen, would you like… do you want to catch up sometime?” Maggie asked.

lucy’s smile dropped, her mouth hesitated to find words. her brain overanalyzing and not processing anything at once.

silence filled the air at lucy’s lack of response. maggie took that as a no. gracefully, the detective nodded her head before bidding her farewell.

Lucy watched Maggie leave.

 _again_. her brain supplied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story is getting longer than expected.... 
> 
> i hope that you guys are still enjoying this! also all the chapter titles are in reference to ben platt's latest album. do check those songs too!
> 
> thanks for reading and please leave some comment if you guys are still enjoying this fic


	5. better

_I'm not good at pretending that I'm happy to be alone_  
_Part of me is a question, can't answer it on my own_  
_'Cause I lost part of me when I lost all of you, now I'm lost_

* * *

lucy paced outside alex’s apartment. she wrings her hands together, mumbling under her breath, trying to string the thoughts in her mind so that they would become something cohesive. her heart beats fast with every minute passing by. she jumped at every noise heard down the hallway and while the corner of her mind tries to tell her to use the courage of a director, lucy realized she couldn’t channel that at the moment.

the door to the apartment she had been pacing in front of opened and lucy’s heart threatened to lurch out of her throat.

“i heard something outside and then i saw you through the peephole,” alex said, leaning against the door frame with her arms folded.

lucy stammered, feeling sweat build upon her forehead before finally pushing the words out of her mouth, “may I come in?”

alex narrowed her eyes, shifting to standing as she studied the woman in front of her.

“is this a professional visit?” alex asked coldly.

lucy breathed out shakily, shaking her head as she tries to maintain her cool.

“I just… can we talk? please? i’ll take two minutes of your time and then i’ll go,”

lucy watched as alex considered her and she braced herself for the rejection. she knows there was a high chance that alex would slam the door in her face, considering how they had ended things, and lucy wouldn’t fault alex if she tells her to never come back again. but she had to try.

ever since she’s been working at the DEO city base, lucy can’t keep the thoughts of both alex and maggie out of her mind. she had tried to move on, had flown to washington for a good couple of months to clear her head and getting a fresh start but the minute she returned to national city, she had wanted nothing more than seeing them again.

it consumed her thoughts at night, left her in restless sleep and seeing them the day before had killed her.

there was a gnawing thought in her mind, the need to talk to them, to clear the air.

for closure

or maybe, wistfully, for something more.

“come in,” alex said softly, opening the door wider and letting lucy inside the apartment.

lucy’s breath caught as memories flashed before her eyes, feeling like she’d just stepped into the past.

but the apartment was different. way way way different.

“can i get you a drink?”

“water… that’s fine,”

alex nodded her head, gesturing for lucy to take a seat as she headed to the kitchen. lucy heard the kettle squealing, watched as alex poured herself a cup of tea before making her way to the dining table. alex sat opposite of her, settling the cup of water in front of lucy, and lucy muttered her thanks.

“so…” alex started warily.

lucy took a sip, calming her nerves down as she prep want she wanted to say.

“i want to apologize. for how i ended things,”

alex slumped into her chair, eyes falling away from lucy as she starts scratching the tabletop lightly to keep herself together.

“it wasn’t fair for me to walk out like that. and worse, to break up over a phone call,” lucy’s voice wavered and she had to clear her throat and ignore the way her voice had turned a higher pitch.

alex remained quiet and lucy pushed on.

“I’m sorry I hurt you like that. I’m sorry I left like that. and I hate myself every second of it,”

and at this time, lucy wished alex would just say something. but alex just stayed silent, not even looking at her and lucy feels her courage slipping away.

“I know I don’t deserve it. But i… I wish that one day we could become friends again. I don’t want - i want you in my life and I- i’m sorry. i’m really sorry,”

lucy’s breathing became heavier and she pushed herself out of the chair. She hid her trembling hands as she stood there, vulnerable and open, ready to leave.

she watched the emotions played on alex’s face, sees the flash of hurt and pain and lucy sucked in a breath. a mask falls into place and lucy can’t deny that the way her heart ached at that.

“there’s a bar, not our usual. i don’t mind doing friday,”

lucy’s eyes widened at the subtle invite, jaw-unhinging as she processed what alex had just said.

“i-i’ll be there,”

alex solemnly nodded her head and lucy took that as a cue to leave.

“i’ll text you the address,” alex said as lucy stepped out of the apartment.

lucy wondered what she’s supposed to do to say goodbye. the line was too fine to cross and she fought herself from stepping over it. taking a step back into the hallway, lucy forced a smile onto her face.

“thank you,” lucy muttered, tipping her head in farewell before forcing herself to walk away.

a piece of her heart soared at the chance that she was given, disbelief that alex had given her another chance into her life.

lucy vowed not to waste the chance. not ever. not again.

* * *

becoming friends again felt natural. they bonded - re-bonded - over drinks and long nights but there’s a wall that they can’t break through. alex pulls away every time she catches herself falling too close into the grey area, realizing how simply easy it would to forget the hurt and let herself go.

how easy it would be to let lucy in again.

but she shouldn’t. no matter how tempting it was to pretend as if they’re starting afresh, alex can’t quite erase the hurt.

alex knows she’s just a step away from falling in love with lucy again.

it would be too easy not to.

she’s waiting for lucy by the entrance of the DEO’s city base, they had made plans on going to the bar to wind down for the week. it’s almost becoming a weekly thing and alex reminded herself to made sure that she slows it down. it wouldn’t go over well if alex gets herself attached to someone that she knows she should have gotten over a while back.

it’s been seven months since their split.

three weeks since all of them accidentally bumped into each other.

alex looked up as she heard footsteps, eyes widening as she noticed someone else leaving the base instead of lucy.

“maggie?”

the detective looked up, shocked to see alex in front of her.

“hey, alex,” maggie’s voice was soft and almost tender, and alex bit her lip at the way her heart skipped a few beats.

“what are you doing here?”

“just handing in some reports,”

alex gulped and shook her head, “i mean… what are you doing in national city? i thought you had like 3 months left in metropolis?”

maggie seemed surprised at her question, her jaw working and alex wondered if maggie is remembering the day she moved, if she is remembering the way they ended things.

alex shook that thought away.

she should’ve gotten over it.

maggie sighed, “things escalated fast. I’m here for some briefing before returning back there for another month or so,”

alex’s breath stuttered. the thought of maggie returning to national city again was daunting but something hopeful simmer at the prospect. alex squashed that feeling down, promptly ignoring the way her stomach flutters as she stared at the detective in front of her. the door to the entrance opened again and this time, lucy walked out towards them.

the minute maggie spotted lucy, she quickly distanced herself. “i should go,”

alex spared lucy a quick glance before turning to maggie’s retreating form.

“Maggie!” the detective turned, eyebrows raised.

there was hurt written all over her face and alex could sympathize with that.

a small part of her wants to make the hurt go away. but she couldn’t. they’ve passed that.

“we’re going to a bar. do you want to - i mean if you’re free… you can join us,” alex said.

maggie looked from alex and then to lucy. she tilted her head as she tried to read them.

“are you sure?” maggie asked but she’s looking straight at lucy.

lucy nodded her head, a small genuine smile playing on her lips.

“come on, it’ll be good,”

and maggie knows that she should say no but she can’t find herself rejecting to be inside their orbit again.

maggie takes a deep breath before shrugging.

“okay… I brought my bike. send me an address? wait do you still have my -”

“i do,” both lucy and alex said at the same time, cheeks turning crimson red as they realized what just happened.

maggie can’t help but grin a little at how absurd it is. fighting the grin, she started backing up to her bike.

“right, i-i’ll see you guys in a few,”

god, it’ll be so easy to fall into them again.

* * *

_I don't feel like we're done here_  
_You got a lock on the things I want_  
_I'm a lost, lonely one here who's addicted to holding on_

maggie ordered them another round of drinks, her heart feeling content and warmth and it’s been a while since she’s ever felt the kind of calmness that she had when she’s with lucy and alex.

maggie had thought it would be awkward, had wanted to come up with an excuse to leave but with every moment longer, she found herself loosening up and relaxing. it’s a surprise how easily the three of them connect with each other and maggie tries hard to push away the doubt that would creep in.

the reminders of what she had lost when she left them.

but tonight wasn’t the night to dwell on it. she’ll handle that tomorrow when she doesn’t have any alcohol in her system.

lucy headed to the bathroom at the same time as when maggie returned with their drinks. both alex and maggie watched as lucy walked away, eyes perusing on their own accord. maggie forced herself to look away before realizing that alex’s eyes were on her.

“you never called back,” alex started.

maggie pretended not to know what she’s talking about. but the look alex was giving her made it seem like lying wouldn’t be worth it.

“things got crazy and i… i couldn’t get hold of lucy. and things just… fell through,” maggie admitted.

she heard alex sighed and shrugged.

“did you mean it?”

“mean what?”

alex placed down the drink as she stared directly at maggie. maggie shifted under the intense gaze.

“what you said four months ago. that you want us back again,”

maggie stuttered, breathing deeply as she formed her words carefully. but in the end, she settled for the simple truth.

“yes. i still do,”

alex opened her mouth to say something else but stopped herself when lucy came back to their booth. she gave maggie a look before lucy pulled them towards the pool table.

they were well into the second game when alex stood across of her as she aimed her shot. she pulled her arm back, ready to shoot when alex stretched her arm above her, her t-shirt riling up and giving maggie a good view of her abs.

distracted, her pool stick scratched the table, causing the white ball to sink into the hole. she could hear lucy chuckling but her attention was on alex.

maggie chalked it up to the alcohol in their system but the way alex was looking at her left the detective buzzing with other types of emotions. the air started becoming heavy and maggie was too caught up in her mind to realize it was her turn again.

maggie prepared to sink in the goal when she felt a familiar body slotting herself behind her.

a palm laid on her back and maggie’s breath hitched.

“come on, detective, there’s a clear shot right there,” lucy’s voice was timbered and raspy and it jolted maggie to the core.

fuck

too focused on the hand on her back, maggie tried to sink her ball but failed embarrassingly. she gulped a mouthful of beer, trying to quench the thirst in her dry mouth.

she straightened up but lucy didn’t take a step back and now their bodies were flushed together. maggie closed her eyes, soaking in the warmth, breathing deep as she feels eyes staring at her.

another warm body slid in front of her and maggie can’t hold back the small whimper as she was sandwiched between her two exes. heat coursed through her veins as she let herself feel.

maggie blamed the alcohol at how they were acting and how she was reacting.

it would be so easy to let go. it would be so easy to fall into their arms.

maggie finds herself getting lost as fingers trailed up her sides, she’s drowning in their feather-like touches, skin heating up as the three of them leaned closer to each other.

someone’s phone rang and it broke the trance between them. both lucy and alex jumped away as if they were burned and maggie finally let out the breath she was holding. she steadied herself, gripping the edge of the table tightly, as she fished out her phone from her back pocket.

realizing it was just her alarm, maggie breathed out a sigh of relief. she bit her bottom lip and centered herself again.

“i think i’m going to head out,” maggie rasped.

both alex and lucy nodded their heads, unable to look at each other after what just happened.

maggie gathered her stuff and quickly left the bar, her mind reeling from what just happened and her body tingling from where she was pressed up between them.

it’s just the alcohol. maggie reminded herself as she flagged down a cab. without looking back, she quickly entered the cab to get as far away from them as possible.


	6. honest man

_It's easier for us to hide_  
If you come out, then so will I  
Promise that I'll meet you halfway

* * *

it was the end of january and maggie had finally found a free time after unpacking her stuff in her new apartment once she had returned back to national city for good. they’re at the zoo. because of fucking course they are. as it turns out, when maggie needed a break, she also needed to do something mindless to keep herself distracted.

thus, suggesting the zoo.

god, it feels like a date.

lucy’s fingers curled around maggie’s elbow while alex was holding her other hand. there was a permanent blush on the detective’s cheeks as they drag her from one exhibit to another.

she can almost hear kara snickering in her head.

it’s too much like a date and maggie wants to let go and hold on at the same time.

throughout the entire day, maggie could feel her feelings for them doubled. it’s choking her, a hard heavy weight on her chest and when they smile, she wants to explode.

it’s too much.

why did she even suggested this?

“ooh! it’s the penguins!” alex exclaimed, sounding a little too close like a five-year-old.

maggie rolled her eyes playfully as she was dragged into the exhibit. lucy laughed at them as she snapped as many pictures as she could. alex was bouncing in excitement and maggie bit her lip at how cute she looked.

hearing a click, maggie looked over her shoulder and spot lucy trying to find the perfect angle on her phone to get a picture of them.

“come here,” she said as she gestured for the phone.

lucy raised her eyebrow but handed the phone to her. she stood beside maggie and the detective raised her arm to get a good angle for a selfie with the three of them.

she heard someone tsk before the phone was snatched out of her hand.

“hey!”

“my arms are longer,” alex teased, straightening her arm and snapping a few pictures effortlessly, despite the other two not being ready.

“say cheese,”

it’s corny but the final picture turned out perfect as they examined it. all three of them had ended up leaning really close to each other and the smiles on their faces were genuine. lucy made a quick work to send the photo to the group.

maggie watched as alex backed away slightly with a tiny frown on her face.

knowing that alex would spiral into her own thoughts, maggie channeled her ten-year-old enthusiasm to keep the spirits up.

“come on! let’s go see the lions!”

alex and lucy scoffed. giving each other a look before speaking at the same time.

“dork,”

* * *

lucy laid awake, eyes staring up at the ceiling as she gave up her attempts on falling asleep. a quick glance at the clock indicated that it’s close to four in the morning. sighing, she sat up, hands reaching blindly for her phone after turning on the light above the bed.

with a muddled and exhausted brain, lucy sent a text into the group chat she shared with alex and maggie.

it wasn’t long before she received replies.

letting out a long yawn, lucy got out of bed and put on her coat. she barely remembered to take her keys and phone before heading downstairs.

the street was empty and still. lucy found some peace in staring blankly at the street, letting the soft ambiance of the night slow her mind down. she sat at the curb, waiting for maggie and alex.

“luce?” maggie asked, coaxing lucy out of her blank daydream.

lucy looked over her shoulder, catching the two of them standing side by side, worry and concern etched on their faces. usually, if someone gave her those looks, it would grate on her nerves. but now, lucy was in awe that they still cared for her.

“come on, let’s go for a walk,” alex muttered softly.

lucy let herself be pulled up by a strong pair of arms. alex looped her arm around lucy’s elbow while maggie intertwined their fingers on her other side. their simple touch relaxes lucy and she could already feel her tense shoulders loosening up.

they walked in relative silence and ended up sitting on a bench near a park. alex laid her head on lucy’s shoulder while maggie pressed a soft kiss on her head.

lucy hummed in contentment.

her heart felt full and serene.

refusing to succumb to their sleepiness, they forced their eyes to remain open. their guards and wariness were down as their bodies sagged against each other, seeking comfort and security.

“do you think we would’ve worked out then?” maggie asked out of the blue.

while these types of conversation would usually carry along tension and emotional baggage, the fact that it was too late at night made it easier and much more genuine.

“i don’t think we would have,” alex confessed.

lucy nodded her head sleepily.

“what about now?”

a beat of silence. and then,

“maybe,”

* * *

_You're so afraid of tomorrow_   
_So you build your walls up today_   
_You won't believe that you're ready_   
_But I'd never lead you astray_

her phone beeped incessantly with notifications and maggie would never think it would ever become that way again ever since their split.

but that friday night, three months ago, when they had invited her to the bar, had brought them closer than they liked to admit. maggie doesn’t know when or how they shifted from something awkward to something like…

friends.

friends who occasionally flirt.

friends who she loves more than that.

it was a shift that she couldn’t quite pinpoint. lucy had started a group text and the elephant in the room is promptly ignored by everyone. it almost seemed perfect, pretending like what happened between them didn’t happen. it almost seemed perfect, if maggie hadn’t realized that her feelings for them had never faded away.

maggie knew she wanted more.

she needed to address the entire situation. they needed to have a conversation because she’s convinced she’s not the only one that feels this way.

there’s something more to them and she can’t stand another day pretending like they’re just friends.

checking the time on her phone, maggie realized that she should head out if she wants to reach the newly opened restaurant on time. kara had invited all of them for lunch and honestly, it’s been a while since she hung out in a place that is not a bar.

maggie was the last one to reach, immediately noticing a lack of alex danvers in their group.

“no alex?” maggie asked as they took their seat on the table the waiter had assigned them to.

“she’s on a date,” kara replied nonchalantly.

her heart skipped a few beats. maggie opened her mouth to reply but nothing seemed to come out. her eyes flitted over to lucy, finding the same shock look on her face.

her heart is breaking and maggie wished she doesn’t know why. she hadn’t expected - not that she wants to stop alex - but she was sure that -

maggie shook her head. maybe she had read too deep into things. maybe she’s been projecting and everything had been a figment of her imagination. maybe she had been wrong all along.

throughout lunch, she tried to keep up with the conversations but her thoughts keep running back to alex and lucy.

was she too late?

is this the part where she actually needs to let go instead of living in ignorant bliss?

maggie and lucy were left alone at the table to stew in their thoughts as kara flew off for an emergency.

“did you know?” maggie asked.

“no. i didn’t,”

maggie took a deep breath, playing with her food and staring deep into it. ignoring her heart, she mustered up the courage to speak what was on the forefront of her mind.

“maybe it’s just me but i thought all three of us had something going on,”

she heard lucy sighed. and then, “me too,”

a flicker of hope sparked in her chest.

feeling brave, maggie decided to take a leap of faith, “would you - do you want to -”

“only if we’re all in this together,”

maggie nodded her head. because she wants that too. she wants that too much.

“we have to talk. a lot. and alex…”

“i’m afraid alex wouldn’t so easily agree to us,” lucy admits, looking away, a part of her ashamed because she’s probably the reason why.

“what happened between the two of you?”

lucy let out a shaky breath. her fingers tapped repeatedly on the table. she contemplates what to say, before finally settling on ripping the band-aid off.

“i left her without giving a reason why and then i broke up with her over a phone call,”

maggie went speechless and lucy felt the emotions bubbling inside her, ready to explode.

“i regret it. every damn day. i asked for her forgiveness the other day and i was expecting to be rejected but she just… she gave it to me so easily and i-” lucy paused as her voice cracked, taking a few deep breaths to keep her emotions from spilling over.

“i feel so fucking awful,”

maggie reached out, her hand settling on lucy’s and giving her a squeeze.

“why did you leave?”

lucy bit her bottom lip, closing her eyes to stop the tears but still a few leaked out.

“I know i wouldn’t be able to handle it if she left me after you - after you left. but we’ve been fighting non-stop almost every day and i couldn’t… i was so sure that there was no way it was going to work out so i did it first. i left even though - god maggie, she begged me to stay and i just… left,”

a sob escaped her lips and lucy tried to reign it back it, knowing that they were still in public.

maggie stood up from her chair and rushed over to lucy, hugging her tight and holding her close as more tears spilled over.

“hey, we’re going to figure this out okay?”

lucy hiccuped, nodding her head as she buries herself deeper into maggie’s body.

“what if she doesn’t want it?”

“then we’ll figure it out okay? i promise,”

* * *

alex lowered herself down onto the sand with the photo album in hand. the wind blew across her face, ruffling her hair and sending shivers across her skin. she pulled her knees closer to her chest, propping the album on her kneecaps, and willed herself to open it.

the sun had set and darkness was slowly looming in. the date that she had been on was a bust.

apparently, it was obvious that she wasn’t over someone.

two someones to be exact.

she rested her chin on top of the album, staring out into the ocean and letting the sound of waves crashing onto the shore calm her a little. her mind is a mess, so many things running at a mile per hour and alex hated that they always come back to the same thing.

to maggie and lucy.

tears welled up in her eyes as she finally let herself feel.

for the first time in nine months, alex finally let go.

she hated that she’s still not over them. she hated that she’s still stuck. she should’ve been moving on. she’d swore that she’d moved on. she’d gone on dates, she had actively done all that she could to forget them.

but all she did was run away.

and now everything has caught up to her and she wants them back.

god, she wants them back.

but they left.

and it hurts. it still fucking hurts.

her brain is telling her that it would be a bad idea. that they left once, there’s a possibility that they’ll leave again.

alex tries to shut that thought down, knowing it’s the dark parts of her brain that are speaking.

but maybe it was the truth.

sometimes, alex wonders if the roles were reversed and she was the one that left, maybe maggie and lucy would have a better shot than her.

maybe it’s just her.

why else would they leave her?

alex shook her head. no. no, she couldn’t think like that. it would dismiss their entire relationship before they broke up. and that relationship was good, was perfect…

…was too good to be true.

it’ll be too good to be true if they ever get back together. but alex really needed to stop letting that fantasy play in her mind.

she won’t let herself get hurt again. not like this. it’s time that she moves on, let the past go and be a genuine friend to them.

alex looked down at the photo album.

she wants to throw it away and let the past go.

she needed to let the memories of the good times go.

she can’t let herself get lost in wishful thinking. it’s too much. it’ll open up too much.

she stood up and headed to the trash can. with a deep breath, she dropped the album into a bin and walked away.

it’s about damn time she tries to move on.


	7. hurt me once

_If you have to hurt me, hurt me once_   
_If you have to end it, get it done_   
_You have all these choices, I have none_   
_You're all that I have to lose_

* * *

turns out, moving on keeps getting harder and harder now that both lucy and maggie are permanently in national city. it doesn’t help that they’ve gravitated back into her social circle (becoming her closest friends) and every time alex tries to take one step forward, they pull her five steps backward.

it’ll be a lie to say she ever stopped loving them.

alex would even admit that she’s still in love with them.

because every single time they hang out, every single time they come close to her, alex falls.

alex was preparing for another date while lucy and maggie lounged at her couch, making themselves feel at home. it’s been happening like that for a few weeks now and alex doesn’t have the heart to ever chase them out. she took another glance at them, realizing how natural it looks and how her heart warmed as they find comfort in her home.

but there was something bothering lucy. alex can tell from the way the director kept biting her lip. she made a mental note to ask once she comes back.

“okay, i’m going to head out now. please lock up when you guys ever decide to leave,” alex teased as she gathered her purse and straightened out her jacket.

she had one foot out the door when she heard lucy called out her name.

“don’t go,”

alex froze, eyes widening as her brain spiraled at the familiarity of the statement.

“don’t go on this date, alex,”

alex slowly and a little unsteadily turned around. she stares back at lucy, confusion was written all over her face.

lucy stood up and walked towards her. maggie kept herself seated on the couch, her eyes never leaving the two of them.

alex cleared her throat and shifted under the attention, “why not?”

“because you don’t want to. i know you don’t want to,”

alex’s heart stuttered. she swallowed the lump in her throat. irritation builds inside her instead.

“and how would you know that?”

“i see the way you look at us,”

alex clenched her jaw. feeling attacked, she lashed out, “fuck off,”

“we look at you the same way,” lucy pushed.

alex stumbled over her own feet, breathing hard as her eyes shifted from lucy to maggie.

“what lucy is trying to say is that… maybe… maybe there’s something between us,” maggie worded cautiously.

alex looked at them back and forth, feeling trapped and uncomfortable. her hands were trembling and maggie knew that lucy’s going to push harder to make alex admit.

maggie wished lucy hadn’t been so sudden with her confrontation.

“that’s not fair,” alex whispered.

“i know you want us. don’t act as if the dates you’ve been on ever go anywhere else,”

“don’t,” alex hissed.

maggie stood up, pulling lucy back a little to give alex some space.

alex scoffed as she studied them, head shaking in anger.

“you’re so messed up,” alex said, slamming the door, taking her leave.

 

maggie smacked the back of lucy’s head.

“ow,”

“was that necessary?” maggie scowled.

“i’m tired of watching her go on dates when it’s fucking clear that she wants us too,”

“doesn’t mean you have the right to call her out on that,”

“admit it, she wouldn’t have come around on her own,” lucy said, slumping down on the couch as she waves her hands around dejectedly.

“so what now?”

“now we wait,”

* * *

alex’s hands were shaking badly and she paced back and forth in an alley down the block. her breathing was irregular and alex feels as if she could pass out.

“alex?”

alex turned, seeing her sister standing there, hands on her hips in her supergirl uniform.

alex stared at her, full on panicking, as kara slowly approached her.

“your heartbeat is really fast, alex,” kara pointed out.

alex nodded her head, opened her mouth to speak but nothing but a strained whimper came out. kara reached out to grab her hands, tugging her closer.

“alex, breathe with me okay? breathe with me,”

shakily, alex wrapped her arms around her sister’s body, clutching the cape desperately as she buried her face into kara’s chest. the minute kara returned the hug, the emotional dam broke.

“the-they want me back,” alex said in between hiccups as tears streamed down her face.

kara pulled her in tighter, “isn’t that good?” she asked softly with no judgment in her voice.

alex shook her head and then nodded and shook her head again before shrugging dejectedly.

“hey, talk to me,”

“they left, kara. they left me,”

kara’s heart broke as more sobs wrecked out from her sister. alex had been bottling up all her emotions ever since the split. kara had watched her sister bounced back fast, had tried to make her talk but alex had bulldozed forward, ignoring the hurt and pain for so long.

alex never brought up the breakup ever again, claiming she had let herself cried for a week and that would’ve been enough.

kara should’ve pushed alex into dealing with it.

“now, they want me back and i just… they’re going to leave me again,”

“you don’t know that,”

“it hurts. when they left. i don’t think i can go through that again,”

kara caressed her sister’s hair, rubbing circles on her back, trying to soothe her. alex cried until there were no more tears left, slumping into her sister’s body in a boneless heap.

“do you want them back?” kara asked gently.

alex nodded her head, pressing her right ear on her sister’s chest so that she could hear kara’s steady heartbeat.

“you need to talk to them,”

alex nodded her head again.

“do you want me to send you back to my apartment?”

this time, alex shook her head. “I need a walk. erm alone. to clear my head,”

kara wanted to protest, not wanting to leave her sister alone like this but she stopped herself.

hesitantly, she said, “okay. call me if you need me,”

alex nodded her head and smiled. she gave a chaste kiss on kara’s cheek.

“thank you,” she said, motioning for kara to fly away.

kara hesitated again. she looked into her sister’s eyes once more before believing that alex would be okay on her own. alex gave a slight nod and kara sighed even as she flew off.

* * *

only an hour passed before the door to alex’s apartment flew open again. alex stomped in, a storm brewing in her eyes as she marched towards lucy who was standing by the kitchen counter.

without warning, she grabbed lucy by her shirt, pulled her in and smashed their lips together.

lucy’s eyes widened, brain malfunctioning even as she melted into the kiss. alex was about to pull away when lucy grabbed her by the neck to pull her back in.

“oh fuck,” maggie said, eyes wide at the display.

having heard that, alex pulled away from lucy before slamming her lips onto maggie’s.

“fuck,” lucy said this time. her hair mussed and lips a little swollen.

alex pushed maggie until her back hit the counter, maggie’s hands traveled up the expanse of alex’s back, clutching onto her jacket as the kiss deepened.

maggie pulled away first, panting as she catches her breath.

“we need to talk,” maggie rasped.

alex shook her head, leaning in again but maggie pressed a palm on her chest to stop her.

“alex. we can’t do this if we don’t talk,”

lucy slid behind them, hands curling around alex’s. she tugged at alex’s hand, pulling her away.

“come on, alex. it’ll be okay. we just need to talk,”

alex shuddered, breathing hard as she let lucy pulled her towards the couch.

“i don’t know how to do this,”

lucy tilts her head.

“if the two of you leave me again, i’ll shatter. i don’t know how to do this without being afraid that you’ll leave again,”

lucy’s breath hitched, lost on how to answer that. maggie approached them, putting down three mugs before settling on the couch beside alex.

“so we’re going to talk. intensively. and we’re going to talk about what happened as much as we’ve been trying to avoid it,” maggie said, leaving no room for objection.

both lucy and alex nodded their heads.

lucy sat on the floor, not sure if she can handle sitting beside them at the moment without bursting into flames. out of all that she had expected to happen, this was definitely not one of them.

she hadn’t expected alex to barge into the room and kiss them senseless.

“so we’re doing this?” lucy can’t help but ask.

alex and maggie nodded their head firmly. “we’re going to try,”

_Couldn't hurt you if I wanted to_   
_I’ve decided on you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's ignore the fact that alex may have cancelled her date at the last minute. 
> 
> hope you guys enjoy this chapter! tell me what you guys think?


	8. this is not a temporary love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff and a happy ending!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alas, this is the final chapter! hope you guys enjoy it!

_day 1_

not wanting to rush into things, they’ve settled on going slow and date for four months, justifying that it would be a reasonable time frame for them to get to know each other again on an intimate level.

they’ll have weekly lunches and biweekly date night (even though they’ll probably see each other more often thanks to kara’s game nights)

while all three of them are sure of their feelings for each other, they knew that it’d be best if they didn’t spend so much time together too fast.

they’re still a little cautious and guarded but they vowed to get better at their communication skills.

maggie realized that one of the reasons that they fell apart was because she couldn’t bear to break the bad news to the other two. she had been afraid that a single change in their system would destabilize their relationship, hence prolonging heavy conversations that would change all three of their lives.

for lucy’s case, she had been too shaken up by the sudden change that she didn’t try enough for alex. she had let her emotions ruled her judgment and ran.

alex had explicitly told her that she had forgiven her, stating that she understood where lucy was coming from and she hadn’t blamed her for leaving. the thing that had killed her was the breakup call that lasted less than ten minutes.

alex was still wary of believing that happiness could last. she knows that every single time she felt pure and genuine happiness, the universe would smack her down and attack her at her most vulnerable. she isn’t prepared if the same thing happened twice.

looking down at the phone in her hand, alex smiled at the ongoing conversation. she pushed her glasses above her head, laughing at a gif that maggie had sent.

a knock on her door startled her, causing the phone to slip out of her hands unceremoniously. brainy poked his head inside her office.

“supergirl wants to spar with you,”

alex smirked, nodding her head as she put on her DEO training shirt over her tank top. she knows kara’s request was actually an excuse to talk about the night before. ever since alex was promoted to Director, she and supergirl had to maintain a more professional interaction in front of everyone’s eyes, hence the only time they can talk freely to each other at work is when they’re training privately.

alex tried to suppress her grin on her way to the training room.

it’s been a while since they’ve actually sparred. it wouldn’t hurt to test a few new moves while they’re at it.

* * *

_day 32_

lucy tried not to ogle at maggie’s cleavage. the dress the detective was wearing hung low across her chest, catching lucy’s eyes every time she turns to face maggie.

“eyes up here, director,” maggie teased.

lucy smirked but the blush on her face was still evident. she tangles her fingers with maggie’s, tugging her closer to her side.

“you look really beautiful,” lucy whispered in her ears.

maggie’s cheeks tinted red as her free hand stroked the lapels of lucy’s suit.

“and you look hot,” maggie replied.

lucy bit her bottom lip, her body subconsciously leaning in, getting a whiff of maggie’s perfume. someone cleared their throat, breaking the moment between the two of them as they looked up to the waiter in front of them.

“this way, ladies,”

they were led to a table on the balcony, with the view of national city skylines lighting up their scenery. maggie gasped softly at the sight, hand squeezing lucy’s as if she couldn’t quite believe that it was real.

“you’re really going all out here,” maggie teased, grinning from ear to ear.

lucy returned a shy smile before it turned into a smirk. she pulled out the chair for her date before settling in her own.

“just wanted to wine and dine my lady,”

“it’s a shame alex had to miss out on this,”

“don’t worry, i have something planned for her when it’s my turn,”

maggie narrowed her eyes, a playful glint shining in them and lucy had to shift her eyes away to pretend as if that look didn’t stir up some heat inside her stomach.

once they’ve ordered their food, conversations started running smoothly between them. both women ended up laughing too hard as they recalled past anecdotes and old teen rebellion stories.

time flew past fast without them noticing. lucy walked maggie home, stopping as they reached her apartment.

“i’ll see you next week?” maggie asked, hands playing with lucy’s fingers.

lucy nodded her head and leaned in to kiss maggie. lucy quelled the need for more down as she pulled away, not wanting to take things too fast.

“i had a great time, luce,” maggie whispered, her breath tickling lucy’s face.

“me too,”

with a final kiss, maggie took a step back and forced herself to head into her apartment. she turned back one last time before the gate closes, waving goodbye to her date.

lucy can’t get rid of the smile on her face as she watched maggie retreat into the elevator. happiness radiates off her as she made her way to her car. she allowed herself to release a small squeal before gaining back her composure.

it’s gonna be good.

* * *

_day 71_

“you’re an idiot,” alex muttered.

lucy’s arm swung over alex’s shoulders as she leaned heavily on the other director.

“i told you to wait for backup,” alex continued, tightening her hold on lucy’s waist as she carried her out of the ruined warehouse.

lucy was too weary to retort back, letting alex do the heavy lifting as she was dragged to the nearby ambulance. lucy wanted to protest but stop short at the glare she received from alex. with a pout, lucy sat on the stretcher, letting the medics work on her immediate injuries without a single complaint.

she watched as alex directed the other agents - the stern face and confident set of shoulders playing with the sweet fantasy in her head. alex turned back to her and lucy’s lips pressed together at the look she received.

alex detected lucy’s thoughts almost immediately and shook her head in amusement. she entered the vehicle with the medic, giving the driver a soundless nod as the doors closed.

lucy relaxed as they rode back to the DEO; her eyes shut in an attempt to conserve her energy. she felt someone play with her fingers, the familiar warmth tugging a small smile on her face.

alex noticed the smile and scoffed. “I’m furious at you,”

“usually I am the reckless one but you-” alex cleared her throat. the emotions that she tried to suppress starts making their way out as she shed her director persona.

“don’t you dare do that again, lane,”

semi-consciously, lucy mumbled underneath her breath.

“I love you, Alex,” alex’s eyes widened.

she gulped as those words echoed in her mind. they haven’t said it yet. although… alex may have whispered it when she knows they’re not listening but it’s only been close to three months since they started dating again. it’s too early to say that.

alex sighed and pressed a kiss on the back of lucy’s hand.

“i love you too,” she whispered back.

* * *

_day 110_

maggie wiped her sweaty palms nervously up and down her thighs. she had set up her apartment with candles and flowers and cooked alex and lucy’s favorite dishes. she doesn’t know why her heart is pumping so hard against her chest, practicing some breathing to cool her nerves down.

they’re eleven days away till they’re having a conversation on where they stand now. eleven days till they can be something more… official?

not that maggie doubted it would go south. all three of them had clicked perfectly like a well-oiled machine.

maggie had never been in a relationship where there was a time-frame like this but god, it helps. the three of them would have rushed into things and they would have combusted. the four months of slow dating helped to slow their pace, re-learn intimacies that doesn’t involve sex, and ease them into an official relationship while balancing their work. they had forced themselves not to see each other every day, making them appreciate each other more when they meet.

and maggie knows it's worth the wait to make things official.

(it’s also worth the wait for other more physical intimacies.)

the door opened and maggie held her breath as alex entered her apartment. alex scanned the room, eyes widening as she took in the decorations and ambient.

“did you cook my favourite?” alex asked in awe once she took off her shoes and pushed them neatly to the side of the door.

maggie released the breath she was holding as she nodded her head. alex looked at her with pure adoration, hand coming to maggie’s cheek as she planted a few kisses.

“thank you,” alex murmured.

“no problem. anything for the girl i lo-,” maggie caught herself, blushing as she reworded her sentence. “for the girl i care about,”

alex smiled warmly and maggie pulled her to the dining table.

she didn’t have to wait long before the door creaked open again and lucy entered.

“what’s this?” lucy asked as she hung her coat and took off her shoes.

“a special treat for my ladies,”

lucy let out a dreamy sigh. “normally, this would get you laid,”

“eleven more days!” alex exclaimed from the table.

lucy and maggie rolled their eyes.

eleven more days it is.

* * *

_day 122 (four months)_

“can we make it official already?” alex asked as she was tugged into her own bedroom.

“yes. please,” lucy said, almost whining, as she scrambled to unbutton maggie’s top.

maggie chuckled, choking as alex took off her shirt in one swift motion.

“oh fuck me.”

twin smirks directed at her.

“gladly,”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all your never ending support and the great reception to this story. i promised angst with a happy ending and i hope i hadn't disappoint. I'm really really grateful to all the comments and feedback i've gotten. 
> 
> thank you for reading and don't forget to check out ben platt's new album!

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is inspired by ben platt's singles
> 
> the chapters and their respective songs are:
> 
> chapter 1 - ease my mind  
> chapter 2- bad habits  
> chapter 3 - grow as we go 
> 
> do check those songs out for some feels
> 
> thoughts? please comment and leave feedback! i love reading them! thank you for reading!


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